


Remember Me

by grayqueen



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Always Female Bucky, Amnesia, Angst, Bucky needs a hug, F/M, Fluff, fem!Bucky
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-10
Updated: 2016-01-10
Packaged: 2018-05-12 23:52:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5686441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grayqueen/pseuds/grayqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His closed eyes twitch and she tenses. She doesn’t want to confront him when conscious, not now, and maybe not ever, but for some reason she can’t comprehend, she wants him to be alive. </p><p>How stupid of her to think that he wouldn't be searching for her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remember Me

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, first of all: english is not my native language, so I may or may not have some grammar mistakes.  
> I hope you enjoy it anyway. ;)

“Who the hell is Becky?” She asks and the world around him crumbles at the expressionless, but almost hurt look on her features.

 His heart beats in his ears. He feels like the air has been knocked out of his lungs, and it seems that he has been frozen to his place since he can’t move. He is aware of all her movements, but he doesn’t act on them.

 She throws in a punch that he barely dodges, he sees an opening, but he can’t bring himself to take it, not now that he has found out whom he’s fighting with.

 He has never liked fighting women, and although he has done it before for the common wellbeing, he’s particularly adamant of hurting this particular one. He just can’t bring himself to do it.

 She swings again and he blocks by grabbing her wrist, but he doesn’t expect the kick to the ribs that she delivers only a second after.

 Suddenly, the fight is turned into one of the worst beatings of his life, and considering his past before the serum, that is saying something.

 He does his best to dodge and block, but it’s hard to keep her away for long. Becky is way stronger and faster than he remembers and a bit taller as well. She moves swiftly and with expertise, he can tell she has done this before and enough to be this good.

 He doesn’t understand why she is doing this. Where has she been?

 She attacks again, this time she manages to hit him square on the jaw. Her metal fist connects with his warm flesh and the pain that comes after is too intense, serum or not.

 He sees white for a moment and it’s not until the second punch is delivered when he realizes she is trying to kill him. Okay, that’s not at all true, he already knew that she is trying to kill him, he just hadn’t realized who she actually was.

 The important thing is what has happened to her?

 His thoughts are interrupted as she pulls out a knife, and if there was the slightest doubt that she was there to kill him, it vanishes the moment she tries to stab it in his left eye. He grabs her wrist and she pushes down, he resists and she pushes even harder.

 He moves and the knife cuts through the wall of the entire van behind him as she tries to get to him. He realizes then that he has to fight back if he wants to get out of there alive. She’s too good.

 With almost closed eyes he swings back at her and winces at the noise made when his shield connects with her chin. She backs away a few steps and her icy eyes meet his.

 They regard each other for a few seconds until she pulls out a gun and aims at him, but Falcon manages to kick in before she can shoot. He has to stop himself from running to her aid as she falls and stands up once again, she doesn’t look hurt and he’s not surprised to find out that he feels relieved.

 Their eyes meet once again and he watches her hesitate, it’s recognition what crosses her gaze for a millisecond before she pulls up her gun. Natasha shoots at her from somewhere behind him and he dodges by pure reflex, hoping she does the same.

 When he looks up again and once the smoke has vanished, he doesn’t find her there. He searches around with no results. He’s relieved there’s no body lying there, but he’s still worried to the bone since he knows it is HYDRA where she’s going back to.

 He has to find her, he decides, and once he does, he swears he’s going to make whoever did that to her pay.

 

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o

 

_“The man on the bridge, I knew him,” she says before she’s strapped to the chair and hot white pain runs through her entire body. She’s used to the pain, she’s used to the cold._

_She knows she’s doing the right thing, or that’s what they tell her constantly, but those eyes… they bug her. They make her wonder._

 Steve doesn’t get any sleep that night. His brain keeps replaying long buried memories of icy-blue eyes, black hair and warm smiles of the girl he thought dead. Jane Rebecca Barnes, his Becky.

 

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o

 

They meet again a few days later. He finds her waiting for him in the helicarrier. Her eyes are colder than the last time they saw, and this time she shows no sign of recognition. She doesn’t even blink.

 Steve knows he can’t stop to think about what HYDRA has done to her this time. And he hates it all for a moment. He hates the position they have put them into. He hates them all, he hates as he has never done before and the desire of hurting the responsible of this just for the satisfaction of doing it runs through his veins.

He knows what he has to do though. And this time he knows he won’t go easy on her. He can’t afford to do it, but that does not stop him from trying to talk her out of it.

 He begs her to not make him fight her, but as expected, she doesn’t move, she only blinks.

 So it takes all of his will power to attack first, and they quickly get involved in a battle.

 He’s trying to save the city and she’s trying to finish off her mission, she doesn’t even know her mission is going to give pace to a war. She only knows what HYDRA wants her to know.

 They both give a good fight, and after a few punches he manages to put enough space between them to remove a chip from the main control of the ship, but she doesn’t give him enough time to insert the other.

 She attacks him. Something in her eyes sparks, and Steve knows it is not recognition. It’s calculation; she’s not going to put it easy for him. He’s her mission and she seems determined to end it.

 Jane makes them both fall as she tackles him over the handrail and they reassume the previous struggle. The chip falls and Steve pushes her away to retrieve it. He swears he’s going to take care of Becky and make it up to her once this is all over as he runs for the chip.

 Becky throws his shield at him and he falls by the force of the impact. She takes out two guns and shoots, but he manages to block them with his shield. She walks to him and he throws his shield at her but she deflects it with her left arm.

 She runs and gets a hold of the chip and soon they’re struggling again. He pins her down by the arm and orders her to drop it, but she does not give in. He pushes harder, but she won’t bend. In the end he dislocates her arm and she yells in pain.

 It kills him, but he ignores it as he runs and starts to climb up his way with the chip on his hand, but before he can change it Becky shoots him from bellow. Twice.

Steve manages to stand up again, but she manages to shoot a third time. She has always been good with both hands and her aim is precise; there was a reason why she had been accepted into the Howling Commandos despite the sexism back in the 40’s.

Agent Hill’s voice announces him that he has a few seconds. With blood running out from his stomach, he pulls himself up and finally changes the chip.

 Captain America does it again.

 He leans on the handrail and Hill warns him to get out, but he knows he won’t be leaving without Becky so he encourages her to fire anyways. If Jane is not going to make it then neither is he.

 The ship explodes a moment later and he looks down to find his friend trapped under a heavy metal bar. Steve forces his way down again, he doesn’t need to fight her anymore, nor does he want to.

 He knows he’s hurt and he knows Becky still wants him dead, but he made a promise, and she’s all that matters to him. There are enough heroes beside him who can keep his country and the rest of the world safe. He might be the first, but he won’t be the last.

 He frees her by lifting the heavy bar from her body and she slips away. He can’t help but hope she leaves with him, but he knows that’s almost impossible. He’s a realistic.

 “You known me” he says between sharp breaths.

“No, I don’t!” she says as she throws in a punch.

 She’s surprised when he doesn’t even try to dodge. He looks at her with a strange look, a look that somehow she knows she has seen before, but she can’t recall where or why.

 She’s angry he doesn’t try to fight her back.

 Jane looks more lost than ever.

 “Your name is Jane Rebecca Barnes,” he says once again.

“Shut up!” she screams and throws another punch.

 He’s her mission, no matter what the small voice in her brain says. No matter how deep blue does eyes look. She has to finish her mission. She won’t fail, even if it’s the last thing she does.

 Steve stands up slowly. He’s hurting to the point of being unable to keep himself steadily up. She knows it won’t take a lot to end it all.

 “I’m not going to fight you,” he says after taking off his mask “You’re my friend”

 Jane looks at him for a moment and she wants him to attack her. It’d be easier to her that way, the voice and short flashbacks in her head would stop and she would be able to do her job.

 She feels her eyes burn, but before any tear can slip out, she throws herself at him and straddles him. Hot rage burns through her body, violence is all she can relate to.

 “You’re my mission” she says and punches him hard. She repeats the action three more times before she stops for a second. The voice in her head has never screamed as loud as it was screaming now.

 She looks down to him and their eyes meets once again.

 He looks back at her softly, warmly and appreciably through half-lidded puffy eyes and red cheeks, product of the beating she had inflicted on him.

 She can’t remember anyone looking at her like that before, and she realizes she can’t bring herself to keep hurting this man.

 Short memories of blond hair, blue eyes and playful smiles bombard her head and she finds herself unable to keep beating the man bellow her.

 “Then finish it, cause I’m with you ‘til the end of the line” he tells her and she can’t keep her eyes away from his, no matter how important this is for HYDRA, for her masters, she just can’t kill this man.

 She won’t.

 The ship keeps descending to its inevitable crash, a heavy piece of metal falls a few meters away from them, but she still won’t move.

 The crystal beneath them shreds and she sees him fall between pieces of glass and more metal.

 Before she knows it, she ends up falling as well. She doesn’t know if she threw herself to the water for him or if the crash made her fall as well, but that’s irrelevant at the moment. If she has decided she won’t kill him, then she won’t let him drown either.

 Her left hand closes around a strap of his suit and she struggles to pulls his unconscious form back up to the surface. She swims back to shore and walks the rest of the way to land.

 Jane drops him on the dirt and a weird feeling runs through her when he takes in a breath. It feels like a heavy object has been lifted from her chest.

 His closed eyes twitch and she tenses. She doesn’t want to confront him when conscious, not now, and maybe not ever, but for some reason she can’t comprehend, she wants him to be alive.

 She looks around and leaves, she knows someone will find him.

 

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o

 

Jane’s new life is not any better than with HYDRA. She’s too twisted to reincorporate to society. She’s crazy.

 She spends sleepless nights and angsty days. Her brain is a total mess of unorganized memories of different places and of different times. She knows she’s in the States only because english is the predominant language that surrounds her.

 She may have lost against the icy voice in her head several times in the last month, but she’s glad she remembers what she has done in the past days: public disturbance a couple of times but zero killings so far. She thinks it has to do with the fact that people stay away from her or that they tend to scream their heads off enough for her to spat her out of the trance if she gets near them.

 There’s not really a difference between her and a hobo, but she’s free. She’s free and she knows she’s not forced to go to HYDRA, she doesn’t have to nor she wants to go back to them, but there’s no one else to go back to either. She’s lost in a time and in a place she knows close to nothing about.

 But it’s still better. Everything is better than HYDRA.

 She has to relearn a lot of things though and she has nothing but time to do so, she realizes one time while sitting calmly on an empty shore somewhere in California. She has stopped doing anything she doesn’t want to do months ago and it feels good. The sound of the waves and the sand beneath her feels nice.

 She’s free of HYDRA but she’s not free of the repercussions or the actions of the neo-Nazi organization: The feeling of being watched never goes and the enhanced senses seem now like a burden. She still notices everything and that doesn’t help at all to soothe her mind.

 Somehow Jane decides to travel away and she ends up renting a small cabin near a lake in Louisiana, she may not know who she is, but she knows money rules the world and she can easily get it

 Jane’s a long trained assassin, surviving by her own is nothing; she’s very well aware of her abilities.

 The old man that owns the cottage has money issues. He doesn’t care who’s renting or where does the money she paid with came from. As long as he receives the cash, he doesn’t care if a girl-hobo lives in it, nor how she’ll manage in a cottage with nothing but a small room with a bed, an electric kitchenette, a radio, a TV, and a small bathroom and certainly no neighbors.

 He’ll kick her out if she doesn’t pay on time though he thinks as he takes another drink and goes back to his old ratty couch.

 

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o

 

 

It takes a while but it helps. It feels like a month to her, but it’s been half a year, she knows it because she has listened to the radio a lot. She finds TV dull and the static and the poor signal gets on her nerves. Besides radio is something she’s familiar with, she knows it thanks to the few memories she has of her past life. Radio was really the thing in her time although the music and news are nothing alike to the ones from her time.

 She only goes to the small town for supplies, but she steals for money from further away towns; she knows better that to steal in the place she gets supplies from. HYDRA didn’t brainwash her to the point of uselessness.

 The feeling of being watched stops for once and she feels good with herself. Good enough to think and to remember. The warm weather is nice and although it’s not the kind of home she has little memories of, it’s very nice. Everything is calmer and it kind of helps her mind.

 Her time with HYDRA isn’t forgotten though and snap chats of the things she has done come to haunt her constantly but neither is forgotten the blonde man in the bridge.

 

o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o

 

It takes a lot but Steve manages to strain himself from punching the wall in front of him. Frustration has been quite the one thing constant in his life and he has hated having to put his search for Becky on hold, but what could he have done instead?

 SHIELD wasn’t SHIELD at all. Stark’s failed program rebelled against them and the meta kids helping didn’t turn to be too bad at the end, but whatever. He made the promise of finding her and this time he was not going to fail.

 He disposed his communicator somewhere a week ago and the only contacts he has now are Sam and Natasha. He doesn’t care if the last one had warned him it would be hard, he already knew that, but he’s glad he’s not starting from zero.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is kind of written in small parts and in present simple since I can't pull off a real story yet. Please tell me what you think about it! ;D


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